A few weeks ago as I was praying, my heart kept feeling heavy, like something was about to happen, something bad. I obviously didn’t take it very seriously. I had prayed about it but not as serious as I would have. I didn’t ask the Lord to reveal to me why my heart was feeling that way. So I went about my day. The following week as I was reading my bible I asked the Lord to give me a word and He gave this:
Joshua 10:8 “The Lord said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you.”
I was happy and did not seriously think about it until He kept taking me back to the very same verse for 3 nights. Now I began to feel anxious clearly the Lord was trying to prepare me for something that was coming. I prayed but I wasn’t sure what I was praying for. I fasted and asked for wisdom. I asked God to show me what was coming but as you know He is very good at saying “BE STILL and know that I am GOD” and as Mark 11: 22 says “Have FAITH in GOD” That’s Jesus talking. Well everything was well and I didn’t have any reason to worry or panic. Little did I know that in a space of 5 days my life will completely change. God knew and wanted me to be prepared for it.
The week that followed started very odd. As I was working and listening to music on spotify Hillsong’s, Behold, then sings my soul came on, I had heard the song in passing but I had not really paid attention to it but this day I was stuck on these words:
“Behold I have a friend, the Spirit breathing holy fire within. My ever-present help. Speaking truth when I can’t find it, light up this broken heart and light my way ’til my time on earth is do-one, Oh, Holy Spirit
Breathe in me like kingdom come
Oh, Holy Spirit
Let Your work in me be done”
I downloaded the song and put it on repeat. I couldn’t understand or control the tears that streamed down when I was letting each word from the song hit my soul. I was confused and in that moment I realized the Lord is about to do some major work in my heart and life and it’s not going to be pleasant. I was anxious. I asked for mercy and grace and above all I asked for favor. I prayed like Jabez did. The next day was a Tuesday I was excited because I got to hang out with my favorite person in the world after work. It was an okay day I was impatient. As we were having dinner my phone dinged I got an email and that was it, the beginning of the end. I was horrified at what I was reading and our dinner was ruined. I was given 4 days to respond to the email. In that moment I experienced any negative emotion you can imagine. I chose to take 3 days to fast and pray. To consult and to have a clear vision before responding. I realized on that day that this is what the Lord had been telling me about.
In those 3 days I decided I was going to walk away from something that I had loved, given my time and devotion. Something whose vision, and mission I still believed in but I realized my person values were in conflict. I got reminded of a situation that had happened a few weeks prior to this. I sat on my bed and I got an email that made me cry my eyes out and broke my heart I had asked the Lord that day that I needed help and direction. I realized then that the Lord had been preparing me for this for a month, and maybe this was his way of helping me. I couldnt know. On the third day as I was reading my bible I came across “Psalm 124:6-8 ” Praise be to the Lord, who has not let us be torn by their teeth. We have escaped like a bird from the fowler’s snare; the snare has been broken and we have escaped.” I asked the Lord for peace, after all he knew best.
Change is obviously hard. Betrayal is tough. but God is faithful. Elevation worship sang Do it again and my favorite part is “Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness, I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You’ve never failed me yet” How does my soul sing when my heart is hurting? How does it sing when I am being accused of things I didn’t do? How does it sing when my reputation is being tarnished? How does it even begin to sing when it seems the walls are closing in? How does my soul even utter words to a song when I am being betrayed? How can the Lord say He is fighting my battles when clearly my world is shaking? I have asked myself these questions a lot of times but one truth I have found is indeed the Lord has never failed me. He is working in the silence. His faithfulness is great. The truth is in the hands of the Lord. When a chapter closes, the least you and I can do is peacefully walk away despite the hurt, anger and frustration. The Lord makes ways where there aren’t any and He will do it again. I have learnt the Lord is ALWAYS, ALWAYS FAITHFUL, ALWAYS.
Sometimes his words say one thing and the situation we find ourselves says another thing. That doesn’t change the faithfulness of God. His ways aren’t our ways. His thoughts aren’t ours. He is at work in our lives each day. He is working. He is listening to our prayers and keeping his word. He has never failed yet and isn’t about to start now. I wake up each day and my prayer is always let your grace be enough for me this day, let me experience your faithfulness. He has been faithful. CitiPointe sings : “Your love is a flood And I’m caught in the current of your living waters. It’s Your love, it’s Your love Your presence is a flood, And I’m caught in the wonder You have taken me over, You have won my heart.” into the deep.
And He has won my heart. I have seen him work.
Then sings my soul