A SCARY ADVENTURE

I am super excited no it doesn’t feel like the right feeling for this post, mmmh I am nervous, and excited about what I will share with you in this post and what I will be sharing with you in the coming weeks. No, it’s not going to be all good but the good news is there is so much hope at the end. Our hearts will break together in the coming weeks, we will cry and get angry together but my biggest hope is that you get compelled to do something, you get convinced to stand up and fight for someone even for yourself. My hope is you embark with me and a few others on this ‘Scary Adventure‘. I know that by now you are wondering what is this adventure and why should you be concerned or care about it, I will explain:

A few weeks ago I read a post on a Nigerian actress opening up about the abuse that was in her marriage (physical abuse to be exact) she showed pictures as evidence of this. She has since been separated from her husband. But what got my attention were the comments on this post, she had a number of people accusing her of seeking attention, others said this couldn’t have happened, not to her, they were also those who called her a liar and advised her to stop embarrassing her husband. I didn’t realize how angry these comments were making me until someone pointed at my fist. I was so angry but if I am honest with you I was more upset than I was angry,  Abuse is so real, Sexual abuse is REAL, Physical abuse is REAL, Emotional abuse is as REAL as it gets. It doesn’t matter who you are and where you are from abuse can happen to everyone. This is one of the many examples of how abuse gets overlooked, of how we are so focused on blaming and silencing the victims\survivors, telling them to not share it to preserve family honor or by merely just looking at all this and choosing not to care or do anything about it, like, hey it didn’t happen to me so I don’t have to be involved. “People may not realize the damage that they are doing by placing the blame on the victim ~ but that doesn’t lessen the damage that they cause by doing it.”Darlene Ouimet 

It breaks my heart that we are in a culture that discourages people to openly seek for help by making them so afraid of being judged, not being believed, or being treated different. If you and I started being comfortable talking about abuse it would help survivors join support groups, share their stories without being afraid of being judged. “Abuse is a parasite that feeds off hate and shame, growing in size and strength with silence.” Nikki Sex,  I wish we took sometime to maybe try to understand what is going on with the victims before we respond. I understand this is hard for us, it’s difficult to accept that it is happening around us. To accept that maybe this may have happened or is happening in our homes, to people we may know and love,It’s hard really as Carolyn said: “Sometimes I hesitate to use the term sexual abuse. It conjures up worst-case scenarios in our minds, and we think, “That will never happen to my kids.” And we never begin the conversation regarding sexual abuse with our children. But one violation left in secret can cause significant pain.”  Byers Ruch.

The very reason we choose to ignore abuse is the very reason we should be talking and caring about it, for our children, for our brothers and sisters. We should get past the discomfort and start to talk about abuse to make the perpetrators realize they can’t get away with this, they have to pay for this and that this is wrong, just because it is hidden it doesn’t and will never make it right, We need to start to talk for the victims and survivors to feel confident in addressing the pain they have experienced,the struggle they face each day as a result of the abuse that happened ,to feel confident in just speaking out, sharing their stories, We need to make deliberate decisions  to help them feel they are not alone and can seek and get help without being judged Andre Chevalier said: Abuse? Ah. Such problems, even with time, do not go away on their own. They must be addressed. 

Well, I know I haven’t explained what this adventure is about but I needed to give you the background and maybe try to convince you to care about this cause. When a person has been abused they go through shame, denial, anger and feeling worthless. it affects who they become and how they respond to different things that are important in this life. If they do not get it resolved or get help it will come out in one way or the other , “You can avoid the issues from abuse for only so long. Sooner or later, the problems in your life cause you to either face it or go deeper into denial. Most of you will eventually be forced into admitting that it is indeed the sexual abuse that is the root of your problems. Even then, the tendency will be to ‘forgive and forget’ in the belief that by doing so the pain will be assuaged.” Beverly Engel.

I hope through Scary Adventure you can do something to break the circle of silence and to encourage someone to speak up, to listen to someone and to believe and hug someone. What is scary adventure? It is a journey to bring awareness to abuse, a lot of survivors I know said they didn’t share their stories because they were afraid of being judged, of breaking their family, they were afraid that sharing will change how people look at them or treat them. I have also heard others who had their relative share with them about an abuse that happened in their home called the victim a liar or delusional because there was no way something like that would have happened in their home, DENIAL the very thing that  forces victims to retreat in lifeless existence, dying in the shadows of buried trauma and painful memories, Metzger, So in the coming weeks I will be sharing with you stories written by guest writers that have been through different types of abuse. These are real people sharing their own experiences to shed more light on abuse and how real it is.

I hope through this we can encourage someone to be able to speak up and to seek help, to understand that you are not alone and speaking up is the first step to healing.If you are unsure of where to start do not hesitate to message me, and I will connect you to those than can help, to a support system.  I also hope it will help others to start conversations to talk about abuse to address these issues. “Whatever your age, you are the right age to be coming out and telling your truth. Find someone to tell- and tell, tell, tell, until your lungs ache. Tell until you can’t tell anymore. It won’t take away what happened to you, but it will re-map your life and take away the power from the abuse and the abuser. You are strong and resilient. You are not alone.” Patti Feuereisen, If you have a story that needs to be told and to be featured in this series please do not hesitate to message me and I will be happy to share the stories on your behalf. This is scary because it is an adventure that no one wants to embark on but it is very important the beginning of a lot of campaigns to address and to end the stigma surrounding abuse.

 

5 thoughts on “A SCARY ADVENTURE”

  1. I enjoyed reading through…especially when you said emotional abuse is real..I have always felt like this part is often overlooked and not properly looked into but so many are walking around with wounds of emotional abuse.
    Thank you for being so brave and speaking out on the issue that most ppl dnt like to talk about but they can only sympathise without offering any help.

  2. I don’t really know many victims of abuse but I once had a neighbor who was being beaten every now and again but always lied about how she got bruises on her face.
    After some time she finally admitted to me that her husband used to beat her.
    She didn’t want to tell people because she was afraid of being judged. She also didn’t want to leave him because they had just had a child together. She had her reasons for staying with him,some that you have pointed out here.
    I just hope if there is anyone who is in a similar situation and reading this, they talk to someone because abuse is never right!

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