Letting you in on a secret!!!!!!!!!

The thing with secrets is that we all have them, one or two or more! we keep secrets for different reasons but the most common one is the one that says “I am protecting the people who I love.” I mean that’s true to some extent and it is also a lame excuse to continue to keep things hidden and not face reality. Not all secrets are bad and not all are good. I feel like keeping secrets isn’t always about the people we love, it’s mostly about us, we are worried about ourselves more than the ones we are hiding things from! We worry about what they think of us? What will happen next? How will our relationship be if they know about this? We hold onto our secrets so dearly and we protect them with maximum security so no one, absolutely none, not even our best friend gets access to our secrets. We own these secrets! And like I said, we all have different reasons.
I have secrets of my own but mine are the destructive ones. Well I have kept some of these secrets all of my life and I have some kind of attachment to them. I am not ready to part ways with them! Sad, well not really, more pathetic than sad! You see I have more than once told myself these things are better left hidden and buried but I have felt on more occasions than one that I am a hypocrite. Even as I write now I am battling with myself to write this or to stop! I am thinking will I be able to follow this through or quit when I have to let you in on this secret, because I wont be able to answer some questions that will come my way?
The worst place to be when you start questioning whether the people who love you and have known you for your whole life do actually know you? That feeling leaves you feeling alone, broken and well, a whole lot of other things, but letting the secret out feels far worse than all the emotions that you have to go through. So I said that I will let you in on a secret and my secret is I have a big secret I struggle to share and it has been with me all my life. Casting Crowns Song Stained Glass gives me a lot of thoughts! TAKE A LOOK:

“Stained Glass Masquerade”

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay